Obituary of Civita Canto Wilcox

Civita Canto Wilcox, a dedicated educator, and a devoted daughter, wife and mother, died on January 10, 2015 at her home in her native Darien. Her husband, Frank, held her hand to background strains of Frank Sinatra serenading her to Heaven. Civita, aged 77, a triumphant survivor of lymphoma, was overwhelmed by heart and lung complications as she aged. Her immediate family besides Frank, her husband of fifty-four years, consists of her only daughter Marjorie Lou, wife of Rob Trifone, and their children, Kevin, Jenny, Bobby, Christian and Mark; her third child, Lee Wilcox and his daughter, Cami; and her sister, Marjorie Canto. Her oldest son, John Franklin Wilcox, a former Marine, died in 2005 as the result of a heart attack at the age of 41. John is survived by his wife, Sarah, and by two children, Emily and Luke, living in England. Civita was the youngest daughter and the baby of Lou and Mary Bruno Canto. Her dad, when entering their home from work would call, "Where's the Babe?" thus giving her the lifelong name of "Babe." Her oldest sister, Joyce Canto Hill, died four years ago leaving two sons, George and Stephen Hill. Her brother, Louis Michael Canto II died in 2002, leaving four children: Cynthia Merissi, Carolyn Merissi, Louis M. Canto III, and Catherine Aden. The Canto-Wilcox-Trifone names are well known for their athleticism and spirited support of local teams. Civita, herself, was always part of intramural school teams, earning a fine reputation as a dependable catcher on her softball team. She was a relentless cheerleader for the New York Yankees all of her life. As a mother and a grandparent she and Frank have had good reasons to attend local competitions, sometimes with conflicting game schedules. Currently, her daughter, Margie Lou, teaches and coaches the Darien Women's Varsity Swim Team, achieving thirteen state championships during her sixteen years at the high school. Her son-in-law Rob Trifone teaches and coaches Darien High School's Varsity Football Team. This year he had a hair-raising victory over archrival New Canaan and earned the FCIAC Coach of the year. Civita's natural inclination in a spare moment was to pick up a book. Reading was highly valued in her childhood home. As a pre-kindergartner, she was already reading before she entered Baker School, as attested to by her long-time friend, Monsignor Edward Surwilo, Pastor Emeritus of Star of the Sea Roman Catholic Church in Stamford. Father Ed and Civita started a life-long friendship. Their April birthdays are just 15 days apart. When responding to a questionnaire at her 50th high school reunion, she reflected on her teachers remembering them as "marvels." She linked their efforts to the joy she later found in teaching which continued to "expose me to the great minds that wrote poetry and novels that expanded my thinking in so many ways, in so many new ideas." Then continuing, she recalled, "the lively debates and discussions in the Interfaith Club." She complimented her Darien High School for preparing her well for college. Her primary interest in school earned her the rank of salutatorian of her graduating class of Darien High School in 1955. From there it was a full scholarship to the University of Connecticut where she earned a degree in English and minored in Spanish, graduating with honors. Later, while a teacher, she earned a Master's Degree at The University of Bridgeport in English Education and a Certificate of Advanced Study at Fairfield University. Civita taught school for thirty-two years: first, two years in California, then some substitution in Michigan and then primarily in Stamford. She started at Rogers Elementary School, went on to Burdick Middle School, and then, for the majority of her time, she taught at Stamford High School where her teaching style earned her "The Teacher of the Year at Stamford High School " in 1984. She retired in 2000. She became an adjunct instructor teaching English Education at Sacred Heart University for several semesters. Her indefatigable energy and generosity embraced academic assistance to children of friends and members of her family. She believed to her core that every child she could affect in his ability to read, would have an enhanced life. Licensed in English and Spanish, she demonstrated a professional philosophy that embraced principles of scholarship and success for all that came before her. She was a teacher of choice to mentor several student teachers. During the summers of the 1970s she taught an informal interactive class for children attending the Stratford Shakespeare Theater. But it was teaching the content of the English literature canon that excited her the most. A romantic by nature, she embraced Hardy's Tess, Austen's Emma, Dickens's Pip and Ibsen's Nora. Her students memorized Shakespeare's sonnets and important lines from plays and poems. A traditional teacher, she stemmed tides of relaxed language and never abandoned a classical approach to the essential tools of a good writer: correct grammar, and an extensive vocabulary. Her very name "Civita" is a reflexive form of the word Civitas, from the Latin concept of citizenship implying more than a people living in an area, but citizens of that area. No doubt her name encouraged her to identify with its significance for she spent hours familiarizing herself with the politics of the day, writing, involving herself with the RTM and supporting her husband during his terms as a Selectman for the Town of Darien. She was deeply committed to the principles of democracy, a true patriot. Hers was an eclectic mind that enjoyed many pursuits photography, movies, book clubs, new neighbors in Monroe where Frank and she lived for 14 of their married years, but it was the albums of Frank Sinatra she deemed worthy of all her savings that she earned in the part time job she and her three and a half years roommate, Lillian Stuart, shared at UCONN. Frank often said, "Civita's first love was Frank Sinatra." Perhaps that is what sparked her interest in Frank Wilcox when she was seventeen and discovered the "Singing Lifeguard" at Pear Tree Point Beach who was crooning Sinatra's songs. Although he says he proposed that very day to the pretty raven haired girl with the beautiful smile and large twinkling brown eyes, he would have to wait for seven years for their marriage to occur in St. John's Church. Civita demonstrated in her elementary years and through high school, in teaching and throughout her entire life, that all people were of importance. Measures that separate people were an anathema to her. With a self-effacing demeanor, she consistently graced challenges with her smiles, her positive attitude, and her strong defense of valued principles. Her gracious writing style and gestures shared with family, friends and the hundreds of students she loved, have left us with a permanency, as permanent as the effect of those teachers she "marveled" at fifty years after graduation from high school. She, too, was a marvel! The family will receive friends at the Edward Lawrence Funeral Home, 2119 Post Road, Darien on Thursday, January 15, 2015 from 4:00 to 8:00 PM. A Mass of Christian Burial will be held on Friday, January 16, 2015 at 10:00 AM at St. John R. C. Church, 1986 Post Road, Darien. Burial will follow at Spring Grove Cemetery, Darien. Memorial donations may be made to Marine Toys for Tots Foundation, The Cooper Center, 18251 Quantico Gateway Drive, Triangle, VA 22172-1776. www.lawrencefuneralhome.com Funeral Home: Edward Lawrence Funeral Home 2119 Post Road Darien, CT USA 06820